I recently came across Jeanne Safer’s concept of the “Affirmative No”.
She defines it as "the refusal to pursue a course of action that, on serious reflection, you discover is not right for you" and it immediately resonated with me and the work that I do.
Safer came up with this concept within the context of choosing to get married/have kids and she offers this advice on embracing your own Affirmative No:
“To those of you who are single at heart, embrace your own Affirmative No. If marriage is not right for you, say no to it. Say no, no matter how often or how insistently your friends or family or colleagues or strangers or the culture at large, claim that you don't really mean it or you are just fooling yourself or you'll change your mind or you'll regret it." (article)
She goes on to say that asserting an Affirmative No means:
Rejecting attitudes and courses of action that most people treat as gospel.
Saying yes to points of view that may be unpopular but are in fact authentically in line with your own thoughts and feelings.
Claiming the benefits that come from advocating for the person you truly are as opposed to the one you think you’re supposed to be.
From my worldview, I would add:
If a “good enough job” is not right for you, say no to it.
If it’s not right for you, say no to a more demanding job, no matter how insistently your friends or family think that you shouldn’t be OK with a boring job.
If the promotion is not right for you, say no to it.
If it’s not right for you, say no to the idea that your passion, purpose, and drive have to come from your job, no matter how much the culture tells you it should.
And how can we build a world that supports everyone’s Affirmative No and allows them to be the person they truly are.