My clients are often embarrassed to show up at my doorstep to request coaching support. There’s some form of “I should have been able to figure this out on my own,” that slips into the conversation. Asking for support often seems to them as a pride issue and they see it as a failure.

Should we be able to figure it out ourselves? What evidence do you have that you should be able to figure it out solo? Because everyone else has it all figured out and didn’t need any help getting there?

It always makes me think of elite athletes. Would we ever look at Serena Williams or Roger Federer and say “eesh, how awkward that they really couldn’t figure it out themselves”? Do we look down on them and see their coach as proof that they couldn’t become a champion on their own? Never.

I’m always looking for resources to support my clients and I’ve recently come across a new kind of company that helps individuals negotiate job offers. These companies aim to correct the imbalance of power between the company (that has a huge amount of negotiation experience) and the individual in a negotiation.

They provide some combination of tactical advice, personalized script templates, and market data and I’ve highlighted a few of the relevant pieces for each company.

If you're carrying around shame or embarrassment from a layoff or a termination, you're not alone. Many of my current clients have recently experienced a layoff or termination and it takes a huge toll.

Not only can a layoff or termination be a huge ego and confidence hit, but your then gremlins show up and have a field day. They add to the pain by making you feel all kinds of bad and wrong about the situation. And usually they tend to prescribe a daily dose of self-criticism.

A recent client described it this way:

“I was feeling very unmotivated and pessimistic in my job search, finding myself procrastinating while searching for jobs and indifferent to the few jobs to which I did apply. Even though, logically, I know that being laid off was something out of my control, I still was devoting a lot of energy to just surviving and fighting the negative beliefs that perhaps I had not done good work or perhaps I could have done something to save my job.”

When I talk to clients about their job search or about cultivating development opportunities at their current job, I ask them what pressures they feel about their career. Here are some of the most recent answers:

• I feel so behind and so much pressure to keep up and be the best.

• My job has to be impressive and prove to people that I am smart/worthwhile.

• I should be farther ahead in my career given my age.

• I have to be constantly advancing in my career. Each role should be more impressive and senior.

• I need to have it all figured out.

• My job has to be “cool” and shiny.

• Keep a good job that you think is Okay. Most people don’t really like their jobs.

I am grateful to the educators that put on the town hall around reimagining small business - Ericka Hines, Rachel Rodgers, and Susan Hyatt. The town hall was to “listen, learn and commit to building equitable, anti-racist organizations” and you can watch the 2hr event here.

I have taken the anti-racist small business pledge and commit to building an equitable, anti-racist organization.

There are 5 parts to the pledge…

I’ve just started a brand new offering, a 90-minute Career Clarity Deep-Dive, and I am loving getting to work with people in a one-off capacity. This post is going to share some of the insights I’ve found so far and how much you can achieve in a 90-minute coaching session.

With everyone I talk to, here are 3 common experiences that are creating lots of stress:

1. “If I say this is what I want in a job, and then I get it, will I actually be satisfied?”

2. “I’m saying what I think I should say/what people want to hear and looking for the logical next step.”

3. “I have no idea where to start.”…

One of my clients landed a job with a textbook implementation of what I teach. I almost fell out of my chair with pride at how this went down:

• Someone reached out on Linkedin about a job and my client decided to be open to a conversation even though he wouldn't have previously (check!)

• He went through a chat and an interview, learned about the job, and then shared that though he appreciated the opportunity, it wasn't a good fit for X reasons and what he was actually looking for was Y (check!)

• They said, oh wait, that makes total sense and we can actually move things around and create that role for you (!!) and also give you the title bump that you said would make a difference to you (check!)

And that was that…

I had a profound realization last week that all of my work can be summed up by two simple things.

Here’s what I do all day every day:

1. Give people permission to do what they want and what works for them.

2. Help people shift their attitude from beating themselves up about things they perceive as negative to seeing them as strengths and unique value.

That’s it really. Rinse and repeat.

There are two words that potential clients share with me over and over again that I’m getting very tired of hearing.

Those two words are “it’s fine”.

AKA, the international sign for “it’s not fine”.

I get to hear the most intimate challenges that people experience and all the ways that their life is not working for them:

• They haven’t made social plans in 2 years in case work needs them

• They’re unable to be emotionally present with their family and sacrifice time with their spouse and children

• They can’t sleep

• They find themselves constantly crying in yoga

• They only take options that look good externally even though it causes them intense anxiety

• They’ve been coasting or spinning their wheels for decades

But in the end there’s something that takes over them and glosses over everything that they’ve just shared. You know what, “it’s fine” they say.

Hold on a minute, is that fine?!?

I finished reading a book called The Prosperous Coach last week and I can't get Appendix 5 out of my head. It's called "The NO game" and it's breaking my mind in the best way.

We're afraid of making requests and getting rejected in all kinds of areas of life and work. We apply for a job and never hear back. We reach out to a past colleague asking to catch up and they never reply. We reach out to a colleague and ask if we can grab lunch with them and they don't write back. We start psyching ourselves out of making requests because of the fear of the NO.

Back to Appendix 5, the author loves to give his clients an assignment during the course of working with them:

"Your mission - if you choose to accept it - is to see how many no's you can collect in the next seven days. How many people can you get to say no to you in the next week?"

Enter... The Game of NOs.

Hiring a coach is a big step. They can give you incredible support, perspective, and accountability for your career. It can also be really daunting to find the right person for your particular needs. 

I’ve hired several coaches over the years and encountered many different types of career coaches and here’s how I would approach finding a career coach that’s a good fit for you.

I had a call with a prospective client a few weeks ago and she shared a really interesting situation she finds herself in. The company she was working for was acquired, but several months prior to that she had signed a 3-year contract with them. After the acquisition, the new company eliminated her position but because of her contract, she'll get 2.5 more years of her salary.

When I heard that, I immediately thought…

When I was working at Google and struggling to figure out why I was so unhappy and didn't feel like I fit, I remember my best friend and I booked a conference room, lay on the floor (yep, that happened), and had some real talk. I was so frustrated about why I was unhappy and my complaining went something like this:

"ughhhhhh, but Google is the best place to work in the world, everyone else seems to be happy, why can't I just be happy not really enjoying my job? Why do I care so much, can't I just care less?"

Thank goodness for good friends who call us out because she asked me, a version of "I'm sorry, is our goal to care less in this world? Is complacency what we're after?" It has stuck with me for years - and I even wrote it at the top of a career manifesto I wrote that day…

I've had a podcast episode I've been meaning to listen for months now (I'm the WORST about listening to podcasts) and I finally made it happen.

The episode is called "Obstacle Thoughts" and it's part of The Life Coach series with Brooke Castillo. Yes, it's technically geared towards coaches and yes, she says she hopes this isn't your first podcast of hers you're listening to because they all build on each other, but here we are.

I often speak with clients about how worries and hesitations about changes we make in our jobs can be turned into design inputs.

"If I take this new role, I'm worried I'll be lonelier because my team is remote." Turns out that's super useful information because now you get to be intentional about designing for that outcome. Knowing that you may feel lonelier on a remote team, how do you want to design the experience to make sure that doesn't happen?

Brooke Castillo talks about this in the context of goal setting and refers to them as obstacle thoughts…

The noise and distraction of the open-plan office. The lack of growth and challenge. The long commute. 

It is remarkably easy to become hyper-focused on the negative aspects of your job. They can consume your thoughts and make you dread showing up to work. Quitting can start to feel like the only option you have. 

While quitting is sometimes the right answer, I want you to know that it’s most likely not your only option. 

The key is to first understand what’s causing you to want to quit your job. From there you can explore solutions to help you meet that specific need. Once you understand why you’re feeling unfulfilled, it may be easier to see your job in a more balanced way or make small changes that will have a big impact. 

I’ve been working with clients who have been aimless and unfulfilled by their jobs for a few years now. I’m continually surprised by how few people end up quitting their job so I recently crunched the numbers. Here’s the rough breakdown I typically see during my 3-month program…

When you start to look at what’s important to you in a career, one little thought can stop you dead in your tracks. It can pop up in response to any answer you come up with -- “but isn’t that what everyone wants in a job?”

Doesn’t everyone want to feel challenged? Doesn’t everyone want to feel appreciated? Doesn’t everyone value financial security? Everything you uncover can feel so generic and useless to help you figure out what’s right for you. 

I do an exercise with my clients where we uncover their "Strength Statement" (a great exercise I learned at Google). We create a sentence or two that describes when they feel most energized or at their best. When they come up with their sentence, it can often trigger the “but isn’t that what everyone wants in a job?” sentiment but I get to see the incredible variety between clients. 

There are lots of nuances about what makes people feel energized and fulfilled at work. Here's a selection of statements from a variety of clients…

I did not expect to be saying this but… in November 2018 I applied for a job. (wait, what?)

I absolutely love my business and it’s not going anywhere but a job with an irresistible set of characteristics caught my eye and I decided it wasn’t 100% crazy to throw my hat in the ring.

(What in the world could be an irresistible set of characteristics that would have this business owner apply for a job, you say? Customer service - one of my FAVORITE things in this world, getting to support business owners, and something that is both part-time and short-term because I’m not looking for a full-time job)

Despite being a bit of a scary experience (it’s been 8 years since I formally applied for a job!) it was also incredibly empowering implement so much of the wisdom I’ve gained from working with clients over the past few years.

Here are 3 topics I talk to clients about almost every day that I got to experience first-hand as I applied for this job…

One of my absolute favorite books is Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less because it is filled with terrifying truths about how much we let other people dictate our time and energy. The author writes that “when we surrender our ability to choose [our priorities], something or someone else will step in to choose for us. […] We can either make the hard choices for ourselves or allow others—whether our colleagues, our boss, or our customers—to decide for us.”

Of course work will choose our priorities if we let it, of course other peoples’ requests will choose our priorities if we let them, of course personal life responsibilities will choose our priorities if we let them.

So the challenge is to start being intentional about what we say yes to and what we prioritize.

(I make no apologies for the volume of photos of delicious baked goods in this post)

If you ask my neighbors about the best part of living near me, you’ll get the same response - the volume of baked goods that comes from my place.

The most recent birthday cake I made for my husband.

I love baking. A lot.

When I was doing my coaching certificate, we had a homework assignment to plan a full day of something we loved and I chose to spend 14 hours making homemade croissants. (I’m also a bit insane.)

I love making birthday cakes, desserts when we have people over for dinner, sourdough bread, fiddly pastries, and everything in between.

To me, baking = engineering.

We're terrified to leave a seemingly perfect job for fear of what other people will think.

“You’re crazy to be giving this up.”

“Why would you ever leave this job, it’s the best there is!”

“People would kill to be at this company.”

I've had so many conversations recently with people who have fancy jobs that look incredible on paper, have a great salary, don't even ask them to work too hard in some cases, and look like success to the outside world... but aren't what the person wants.

Something is missing, whether it's purpose, contribution, flexibility to focus less of their life on work, or something they can't put their finger on yet.

They've all known that it's not the right fit but they worry that they'll appear ungrateful if they leave the job. That they’ll crumble under the backlash they get from other people questioning their decision.

And then the inner voices kick in.